The
book of Proverbs ends with some advice from King Lemuel that he attributes as
advice he learned from his mother. We do
not know who King Lemuel was but his mother gave him some good advice. Among the advice in Proverbs 31, is the
description of a “virtuous woman.” This
scripture is used by many as a description of a good wife or a good woman and
is often used at the funerals as a description of a saintly woman.
I
believe this description of a virtuous woman applies as a description to any
person who is living a life worthy of the kingdom of God. I believe this passage describes what it
means to live a life of love for others.
That love extends not just to spouse but also to children, to the poor,
to anyone in that persons circle of influence.
This person works hard, provides for her household, not depending on
anyone else, she willingly and lovingly pulls her weight. Not only does she pull her weight in the household
but she cares for those in need outside of the household. She makes her family proud.
I
recently read a book by Gary Chapman called The
Five Love Languages.[1] While the book was originally written as
a result of research that Dr... Chapman did regarding couples he had counseled,
it can translate across various types of relationships including but not
limited to friends and children. In fact
he has written follow up books such as the Five
Love Languages for Teens, The Five Love Languages for Children and That Five Love
Languages for Single Persons.
The
gist of the book is that Dr. Chapman went back and reviewed 12 years’ worth of
marriage counseling notes and he saw a pattern of marriages or relationships in
trouble because one or both persons in the relationship did not feel
loved. What he discovered is that the
things that made these persons feel loves and noticed fell into 5
categories: Acts of Service, Physical
Touch, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, and Quality Time Together. What he found was that people typically show
love in the way they like to receive love, never knowing the other persons preferred
way of receiving love. In story after story there was a miracle of reconciliation
among couples who committed to learn to speak their partner’s love
language. This was seen not only in
couple relationships but also in relationships between parent and child and
among friends. We make initial
connections with people but once with have gone through the process of
discovering each other we default to the way we like to receive love and the
relationship begins to die out because it is very rare that two people speak
the same love language.
The
good woman of Proverbs 31 knew the different love languages and she loved
people in the language they could understand.
What relationship in your own life seems to be slipping away? What relationship does there seem to be no
hope for? I urge you to read/listen to
this life altering book. Even if it doesn’t
save your relationship it will give you great tools for the next relationship
you enter and will breathe life into it in ways you can’t imagine.
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