Church-Community-Life

There have been moments in my life when it was very difficult to feel God’s presence.  Those moments have included the heartache of divorce, deep depression, self-discovery, the loss of job, and the death of my nephew.  In each of these moments I have found myself in deep despair.  I have felt like my very life was in danger of expiring.  I remember praying earnestly when I got the call from my brother that his baby’s mama was in distress and they were in the ER.  I begged God all the way to the hospital to protect both the baby and his mother.  Yet, despite my fervent prayers, I would arrive to the hospital to find out that Jax would not survive.  The next 24 hours and weeks to come were the worst I’ve ever been through.  My heart ached for my own loss but more than that my heart broke in two for the heart break I was seeing in my baby brother.  I remember vividly sitting next to him in the hospital room; the tears flowed freely dropping onto his knees, exposed by his tattered jeans.  No one should have to go through that kind of heartbreak. 

            As horrible as that experience was, I then think of the horrendous acts of humanity that occur on a daily basis.  Genocide, war, natural disasters, extreme poverty: each of these things robbing people of the ones they hold tightest and most dear.

            Thanks be to God that we serve a God that we can cry out to just as Jesus himself called out from the cross “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me.”  Jesus was quoting the Psalmist from Psalm 22.  Psalm 22 is another example of a prayer we can pray when we are having a difficult time seeing God.  The Psalmist finds himself in a desperate situation, surrounded by enemies.  His description of himself reminds me of the description of myself when I was in the deepest throws of depression back in the early 90s.  He describes his bones feeling as though they had fallen apart; his strength is all dried up.  His mouth is dry.  He is emaciated, so skinny that he can count his bones.  Believe it or not I was once that skinny.  In the deepest darkest days of my depression, you could count every one of my ribs.  It’s a desperate and hopeless looking picture.

            Thanks be to God that we can move from lament to hope when we remember all that God has done through the ages.  The psalmist does this and the psalmist remembers and he moves from lament to Praise.  “You Lord, you are my strength.”

            The Psalmist also says something else very important.  In the midst of his suffering and his pain and all of his questioning he keeps himself among the congregation, he keeps himself in community.  Vs. 22 says “I will declare your name to my brothers and sisters; I will praise you in the very center of the congregation!”  I have known many people who have felt ashamed about going to church in the midst of their pain.  They cannot bear to be there.  Being in the church reminds them of their pain and all they can seem to do is cry.  They don’t want people to see them in this vulnerable state.  Perhaps they are tired of the tears and they just want to avoid the pain and the reminders.  Friends, the psalmist here is very wise in remaining in community in the midst of his desperate pain.  Church should be the place where we can be authentic.  Church should be a place of safety where we can let the cleansing tears of our soul flow.

            I can’t imagine what my life would be had it not been for the community of people around me during those times of despair.  There was the friend who came to my apartment and said “you are leaving this apartment today even if it is just to ride in the car with me.”  There were the friends that showed up with trucks to move me, giving me a stuffed animal for comfort and taking me out to surround me with their love.  There were the friends who bought plane tickets for me to go home so I could be surrounded by family.  There were the friends who moved me from Kentucky back to North Carolina.  There were friends who spoke truth to me. There were the people that showed up at the hospital to surround us with support and love, to hold us and to cry with us.  The list is endless and so very crucial to life.  Without the support of community that God placed in my life surely I would have died.    

            John Wesley, the father of Methodism, went through a period of time when he wasn’t sure he believed.  He felt far from God.  A friend advised him to just keep preaching until he believed.  Sounds like shocking advice but I believe it is sound advice.  Be in community where people can stand in the gap for you when you are no longer able to pray for yourself.  Let people stand in the gap for you when you are no longer able to believe on your own.  Cry out to God.  You will move from lament to praise as you slowly remember.  Thanks be to God!