There
have been moments in my life when it was very difficult to feel God’s
presence. Those moments have included
the heartache of divorce, deep depression, self-discovery, the loss of job, and
the death of my nephew. In each of these
moments I have found myself in deep despair.
I have felt like my very life was in danger of expiring. I remember praying earnestly when I got the
call from my brother that his baby’s mama was in distress and they were in the
ER. I begged God all the way to the
hospital to protect both the baby and his mother. Yet, despite my fervent prayers, I would
arrive to the hospital to find out that Jax would not survive. The next 24 hours and weeks to come were the
worst I’ve ever been through. My heart
ached for my own loss but more than that my heart broke in two for the heart
break I was seeing in my baby brother. I
remember vividly sitting next to him in the hospital room; the tears flowed
freely dropping onto his knees, exposed by his tattered jeans. No one should have to go through that kind of
heartbreak.
As horrible as that experience was, I then think of the
horrendous acts of humanity that occur on a daily basis. Genocide, war, natural disasters, extreme
poverty: each of these things robbing people of the ones they hold tightest and
most dear.
Thanks be to God that we serve a God that we can cry out
to just as Jesus himself called out from the cross “My God, My God, why have
you forsaken me.” Jesus was quoting the
Psalmist from Psalm 22. Psalm 22 is
another example of a prayer we can pray when we are having a difficult time
seeing God. The Psalmist finds himself
in a desperate situation, surrounded by enemies. His description of himself reminds me of the
description of myself when I was in the deepest throws of depression back in
the early 90s. He describes his bones
feeling as though they had fallen apart; his strength is all dried up. His mouth is dry. He is emaciated, so skinny that he can count
his bones. Believe it or not I was once
that skinny. In the deepest darkest days
of my depression, you could count every one of my ribs. It’s a desperate and hopeless looking
picture.
Thanks be to God that we can move from lament to hope
when we remember all that God has done through the ages. The psalmist does this and the psalmist
remembers and he moves from lament to Praise.
“You Lord, you are my strength.”
The Psalmist also says something else very
important. In the midst of his suffering
and his pain and all of his questioning he keeps himself among the
congregation, he keeps himself in community.
Vs. 22 says “I will declare your name to my brothers and sisters; I will
praise you in the very center of the congregation!” I have known many people who have felt
ashamed about going to church in the midst of their pain. They cannot bear to be there. Being in the church reminds them of their
pain and all they can seem to do is cry.
They don’t want people to see them in this vulnerable state. Perhaps they are tired of the tears and they
just want to avoid the pain and the reminders.
Friends, the psalmist here is very wise in remaining in community in the
midst of his desperate pain. Church
should be the place where we can be authentic.
Church should be a place of safety where we can let the cleansing tears
of our soul flow.
I can’t imagine what my life would be had it not been for
the community of people around me during those times of despair. There was the friend who came to my apartment
and said “you are leaving this apartment today even if it is just to ride in
the car with me.” There were the friends
that showed up with trucks to move me, giving me a stuffed animal for comfort
and taking me out to surround me with their love. There were the friends who bought plane
tickets for me to go home so I could be surrounded by family. There were the friends who moved me from
Kentucky back to North Carolina. There
were friends who spoke truth to me. There were the people that showed up at the
hospital to surround us with support and love, to hold us and to cry with
us. The list is endless and so very
crucial to life. Without the support of
community that God placed in my life surely I would have died.
John Wesley, the father of Methodism, went through a
period of time when he wasn’t sure he believed.
He felt far from God. A friend
advised him to just keep preaching until he believed. Sounds like shocking advice but I believe it
is sound advice. Be in community where
people can stand in the gap for you when you are no longer able to pray for
yourself. Let people stand in the gap
for you when you are no longer able to believe on your own. Cry out to God. You will move from lament to praise as you
slowly remember. Thanks be to God!
