Rekindling the Flame

A Sermon prepared for Cruso UMC and Longs UMC

You are once again getting a hot off the press sermon this week. When your pastor called me a couple of weeks ago I felt the luxury of having a lot of time to prepare and began immediately looking up and reading the different lectionary texts for this week. Typically when I read them something either jumps right out at me or I’m able to eliminate a couple that don’t jump out at me at all and I go from there. Nothing majorly jumped out at me this time but I did feel at peace with selecting this passage in 2nd Timothy. I began doing the research on it pretty consistently, tackling a verse or two a night and then life interrupted me as I was called upon to participate in my first funeral as a minister. This was followed by a work deadline and on Thursday I remembered that I was preaching today. I have really wrestled with this text over the last few days and was beginning to wonder if a sermon would ever come from all the wrestling…..but as God always does as I milled it over in my head while washing dishes and doing laundry things began to fall into place and what you get today is the product of that scenario.
The very first thing that I thought of when I read this passage was my Uncle Stan. Stan is 6 years my senior. He was in the first grade when I was born. Being that our age difference was so small our relationship was more that of siblings than of aunt and uncle. I always had admiration for him and looked up to him. He just recently published his first book, “Poor Memory” It is a fictional book based on reflections of his own call to ministry with the characters based on real people he has encountered in life. I was thrilled when I began reading the book and there in the first pages was this line…. “Other times I’m in front of the class for Show-N-Tell proudly displaying a ……picture of my newborn niece.” I made the book….Nevermind that he was describing a recurring nightmare of being in front of people with his socks, shoes and shirt on but no pants, only his drawers. That didn’t matter…..I still made the book and he told everyone that would read it that he was proud of me even then. Thus was born a relationship of niece/uncle; friends; mentor/mentoree.

Such was the relationship of Paul and Timothy. Paul the mentor/Timothy, the mentoree. Bare with me for a little while as I give you just a bit of a history lesson. When you are reading letters that Paul has written, it is important to understand the context within which they are written. Who are the characters in this letter.
The writer is identified in the text as Paul. We know from reading the book of Acts that Paul was at one time a persecuter of Christians. He was a Roman Citizen and a self avowed “phairisee” He was born as Saul. He had a powerful conversion experience and made a life change from being the persecuter to being the persecuted. He traveled throughout, beginning his ministry in Damascus and continuing on to take three Missionary Journeys going back to Jerusalem 5 times. Part of Paul’s ministry was insuring that the word spread beyond the Hebrew nations and to the Gentile world. Paul knew that Jesus came for all, there was no discrimination for Jesus love. He was hotly pursued by other Jewish leaders and persecuted for the message he was delivering. He ended up being put in prison because of his ministry. It is assumed that Paul is writing Timothy from Prison. In reading the whole book of 2 Timothy it seems as though Paul is near the end of his life and knows this and needs to write to Timothy some final words of advice.
Timothy was biracial so to speak. His mother was Jewish, his father was Greek. We know that his mother’s name was Lois and his grandmother was Eunice and we know that Lois and Eunice played a very vital role in giving Timothy the foundations of his faith. Paul had heard of Timothy, met him and decided to have Timothy join him in ministry. Timothy was young when he became ordained throught the laying on of the elders hands. Timothy, Paul and Silas are frequently mentioned together. Paul concentrating his ministry to the Jews and sending Timothy out to the Gentiles. (thus insuring that all persons are ministered to.) Paul refers to Timothy many times as being “like a son” to him. Paul was a coach, a teacher, a mentor. He feels very protective over Timothy and he wants to see Timothy succeed. Timothy and Paul were separated from each other when Paul was being pursued and upon that separation Timothy cried as Paul left him.
So, that is the background that brings us to this text today. A letter from a mentor to his mentoree. As we travel together through this text I want you to think of times when you have had the opportunity to mentor, advise, counsel, coach another person and think of times when you have sought the same from another. In Thessalonians, Paul, Silas and Timothy write to the church saying that they dealt with the church as a father deals with a son, they go on to identify this as encouraging, comforting and urging each other to live lives that are worthy of God’s calling of all of them into kingdom living.
The text begins as all texts written by Paul with Paul identifying himself and the person/group to whom he is writing. He then goes on as he does in his letters, to telling Timothy that He thanks God for him. He lets him know that he is constantly remembering him in prayer. One interesting thing that came from the study of this phrase in verse 3 where he says “I thank my God with a clear conscience as night and day I constantly remember you in prayer” came in the reading of I Samuel 12:20ff. In the passage Samuel is giving an exiting speech before his death. The passage reads:
"Do not be afraid," Samuel replied. "You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. 21 Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. 22 For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own. 23 As for me, (here it is) far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. 24 But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. 25 Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away."
When I’ve thought of sin before I don’t think I’ve thought of the omission of praying for people as sinful. That is pretty strong. However in reading this statement made by Paul about having a clear conscience because he has prayed constantly for Timothy and this very similar statement made by Samuel I think our very first lesson today is to Pray constantly for the persons God has put in our lives. To encourage one another, comfort one another, urge one another in love.
He goes on to acknowledge Timothy as being faithful to what he has been taught by his mother and grandmother and he then goes forward to be and encourager and urger to Timothy. He says “for this reason I remind you to fan the flame, the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. Reading this reminds me of a trip the Sunday School class made this summer to Deep Creek. We had built a fire in the grill out of twigs and paper so that we could make smores. The fire would begin to die out and one of the men would blow on it. Fire needs fuel and oxygen is fuel that will rekindle a flame. What a great illustration for faith sometimes. It is real easy to forget sometimes that important calling on our life, whatever it might be. In this instance for Timothy it was a calling to preach, to lead the church. It seems Paul senses that Timothy might be questioning his own worthiness or abilities for such a task and Paul wants to encourage Timothy to keep those gifts alive; to keep going.
I knew from a pretty early age that God was calling me into ministry. Growing up Baptist I had a lot of obstacles in my path for that, particularly if preaching/pastoring was what God was calling me to. I was a woman, strike 1. Later as I fought that I obstacle I became divorced, strike 2. The obstacles just continued to the point that I began questioning if I had heard God right. I began questioning my gifts and my abilities and I began a career in Social Work. Be sure that God has used my gifts in the area of Social Work but I was fooling myself to believe that was God’s ultimate plan and will for my life. This became clear in 2005 through a series of events that culminated in me awakening suddenly during the night with the reference Revelation 3:2 in my head. Now I am here to tell you that I had not spent a lot of time in deep study of Revelation, I had not recently read it and Revelation 3:2 is not a verse I had committed to memory as a child or any other time. This is what it says: Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. My friends let me tell you that I woke up and I made an appointment the very next day to speak to my pastor to discuss my calling and the obstacles that being the single parent of a special needs child brought to me returning to seminary, to being an itenarant pastor in the UMC. I couldn’t uproot my child from his support system, therapists, and such. That is when Rob shared with me about the Lay Speaker training and I immediately signed up to take the training. This was followed by my becoming the lay ministry leader for congregational care. As much as this fulfilled parts of this burning call on my life, still things weren’t quite right. I couldn’t perform a marriage ceremony, preside as a minister at a funeral, get special visitation privalages in the hospital. Recently a friend’s daughter emailed me asking me to perform her wedding ceremony and that is when I decided I was going to use an unconventional way to fulfill this request I was so honored to receive. I became ordained through universal life church. Now we all remember the friends episode when Joey gets ordained over the internet to officiate at Chandler and Monica’s wedding. I have joked that I am now the new Joey Tribiani, however for me it is not a joke and it is not about performing my friend’s ceremony. It was about overcoming an obstacle and following the call God has placed on my life. It wasn’t a few weeks later that a friend’s mom passed away and I was called upon to participate as a minister at her funeral. What I can tell you my friends is that in those moments I am at home. The day of that funeral I was having an otherwise very stressful day but at that moment when I entered that funeral home and gave my remarks and prayed all those worries disappeared and I was at home. Night before last one of our church members was rushed to the hospital after being found unconscious and he now lies in a coma with his family sitting vigil at the hospital. In my visits to the hospital over the past two days to sit with the family and be present for them, all my worries were left behind and I felt like I was at home. Recently, a friend shared a quote that said, “you need to find something that you would do for free and then make a career of it.” There are some parts of social work I would do for free: visiting with and helping families…..but there are definitely parts of it that I wouldn’t do for free: like the mounds of paperwork. There is nothing about ministering that I wouldn’t do for free: The preaching, the studying, the visiting, the funerals, the weddings, the sermon preparation…nothing. So, I continue to fan that flame, one breath at a time, one piece at a time, one day at a time. What is it for you. What flames do you need to rekindle as an individual. What flames do you need to rekindle as a church? Think about that and begin breathing on that fire…..
In speaking of this Paul goes on to say “for God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline. He’s saying to Timothy: Do not be afraid, don’t be shy…..God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear. He tells Timothy this just as Jeremiah has said “Do not be afraid”. He tells this to Timothy just as he shared with the Romans that they should not be a slave to fear and he shared in Hebrews that persons needed to be freed from their slavery to fear of death. Don’t be shy Timothy, don’t be afraid. The spirit God gives us is a spirit of power, love and self discipline. Be bold with your gifts, be loving with your gifts, be sensible with your gifts. In what ways do you let fear captivate you and enslave you and keep you from breathing on that fire in your belly that God has given you for something. We are called here to let go of those fears.
He then goes onto say in verses 8-12:
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, 9who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.
“Do not be ashamed.” Why would anyone be ashamed of Christ, of doing what they are called to do for Christ. Many people say that this verse is stating we should not be embarrassed of Christ or of being a Christian or of sharing our faith. We know that out of fear Peter denied Christ. He learns a lesson from that experience and in one of his letters writes that If you suffer as a Christian you should not be ashamed but Praise God that you bear that name. I believe that is a very strong message. We should not be ashamed of Jesus or of being a Christian though sometimes I am ashamed at some of things people say and do under the name of Christianity. Another thought came to mind though. Perhaps Paul was telling Timothy not to be ashamed of himself, of his shortcomings. Not to let his embarrassment over those things get in the way of sharing the good news. No, because God’s grace within humanity is the power of the message. That God can take a Roman Citizen that persecuted the church and turn him into the founder of Christianity, that God can take a young boy like Timothy and reach the Gentile world, that God can take a man that has trouble speaking and make him the leader of the Israelites out of bondage and to the promised land, that God can take a divorced, single mother with many other obstacles in her path and turn her into a pastor……That my friends is where the power is, the love is. Those are the stories that reach people so never think you are too human to share the love of God, to proclaim that you’re a Christian. I remember in my early social work days I was working in a children’s home in the Eastern part of the state. It was part of the Baptist children’s home system and one of my co-houseparents was a woman named Stephanie. Stephanie was one of those people that didn’t claim Christianity because she didn’t believe she was “good enough.” She was ashamed of her past. What I learned of Stephanie was that she lived more of a Christian life than many of the other houseparents that did claim Christianity. The Sunday before I was scheduled to leave that job she sang in church, dedicating the song to me. “I know you’ve got troubles, so do I….. I searched and searched to find a reference for this song or more of the lyrics but I couldn’t. The point is that she sang that song with such conviction that day and with such a heart of love for me and with such faith in One that could hold those troubles in his hands……She had gotten the point, I believe. None of us are “good enough” and it’s God’s interactions with us in all of our human-ness that sets Christianity apart from other World religions. So the message to Timothy might very well be “don’t be ashamed of who you are, don’t think that makes you unable to share God’s love, it is exactly what enables you to share God’s love, grace and mercy.”
This part of the text ends with Paul telling Timothy to keep what he’s heard from him as the pattern of sound teaching with faith and love in Jesus Christ.
I did something interesting with this sermon preparation, an experiment of sorts and I liked it so much that I think I will do it from now on when preparing. In my facebook status I posted, “wondering what thoughts my Facebook friends have about 2 Timothy 1…….I want to share with you the responses I received.
(insert posts)
This was a fun experiment, more than that it was neat to have those conversations with persons I’m connected to and to see who responded and have a new lens through which to see them. That is what this is about, ceasing those opportunities without fear, without embarrassment. So my challenge to you this week is to:
1. Write a letter of encouragement to a brother or sister in faith, to someone that is “like a son or daughter to you.”
2. Think about that one thing you would do for free……recognize it as your calling and let go of your fears, and obstacles, blow on that flame and rekindle it with the very strength and power and that you are given through your relationship with Jesus Christ.
3. What part of who you are makes you think you are unworthy to proclaim the good news, to proclaim the love of God, to live out your faith with boldness and pride? Let go of that embarrassment and shame and know that God loves you for who God created you to be.
4. Above all see everything and everyone through the lens of Christ’s love knowing that Christ did not come into this world to condemn the world but that through him the world might be saved!
I want to end my time with you this morning by re-reading this passage of scripture to you from the Message….a paraphrase I often use when I just want to leisurely read and understand…..
1-2I, Paul, am on special assignment for Christ, carrying out God's plan laid out in the Message of Life by Jesus. I write this to you, Timothy, the son I love so much. All the best from our God and Christ be yours! To Be Bold with God's Gifts
3-4Every time I say your name in prayer—which is practically all the time—I thank God for you, the God I worship with my whole life in the tradition of my ancestors. I miss you a lot, especially when I remember that last tearful good-bye, and I look forward to a joy-packed reunion.
5-7That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith—and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you! And the special gift of ministry you received when I laid hands on you and prayed—keep that ablaze! God doesn't want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.
8-10So don't be embarrassed to speak up for our Master or for me, his prisoner. Take your share of suffering for the Message along with the rest of us. We can only keep on going, after all, by the power of God, who first saved us and then called us to this holy work. We had nothing to do with it. It was all his idea, a gift prepared for us in Jesus long before we knew anything about it. But we know it now. Since the appearance of our Savior, nothing could be plainer: death defeated, life vindicated in a steady blaze of light, all through the work of Jesus.
11-12This is the Message I've been set apart to proclaim as preacher, emissary, and teacher. It's also the cause of all this trouble I'm in. But I have no regrets. I couldn't be more sure of my ground—the One I've trusted in can take care of what he's trusted me to do right to the end.
13-14So keep at your work, this faith and love rooted in Christ, exactly as I set it out for you. It's as sound as the day you first heard it from me. Guard this precious thing placed in your custody by the Holy Spirit who works in us.

Jesus Wept: A Devotion Written in Memory of Kelly Anderson

July 28, 2010

Two nights ago came the tragic news that a member of our praise team had died very unexpectnatly and traumatically: The next 24 hours brought inspiration for the below devotional to share with the other members of the Praise Team who loved her so much. I share this here in hopes that it may reach others and bring comfort in similar circumstances.

Jesus Wept: A devotional written in memory of Kelly Anderson

When I heard the news of Kelly’s death I’m sure my heart stopped. The death of a Sistah, was just too unreal to wrap my mind around. I sent an email to the friendship class sharing the sad news and one of the replies to that email was simply “sobbing.” That made me think of the shortest verse in the bible, John 11:35 “Jesus Wept.” Then I began thinking of the story that surrounds that verse, the story of the death of Lazarus.

Let me share parts of that story with you: beginning with verse 17-21:

On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18Bethany was less than two miles[a] from Jerusalem, 19and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
21"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died.
And then picking back up at verse 28 through verse 35:

And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. "The Teacher is here," she said, "and is asking for you." 29When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34"Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
35Jesus wept.

There are several things I think we can glean from this story:
1. In these times we are called to be with the family and to provide comfort for them. The church was gathered at the home of Mary and Martha, comforting them and when Mary left running out the door to meet Jesus they followed her, wanting to be present with her in her time of need and they wept with her.
2. Both Martha and Mary upon seeing Jesus said “If only you had been here.” Many of us are asking that same question. “If only I had encouraged her differently, If only I could have seen, if only……Jesus’ response was he wept. Jesus in all his perfection, wasn’t there didn’t prevent the death. He wept not because he felt guilty. He wept for Mary and Martha, he wept for those who were gathered around Mary and Martha who were weeping. Weeping is an appropriate response. There is not a place for guilt. My friends you were sistahs and brothers to this wonderful, infectious creation of God. I’ve seen you pray with her and pray over her. I’ve seen her do the same. She loved each of you and each of you loved her. You loved her in the way you were led to love and there is nothing you could have done in that moment. Weep, weep for the family, weep for your own loss, but do not feel guilty.
3. We all know the end of this story, Jesus rose Lazarus from the dead. We can’t do that…at least not in the physical sense. But in the spiritual sense we can. We can keep Kelly’s memory alive by picking up her cross and bearing it, by taking an interest in her passions and keeping those passions alive. Share the stories she has shared with you, find out how you can support the celebrate recovery ministry, keep those memories and passions alive and in a sense you are saying “Kelly come forth.”
4. Lastly, Mary and Martha went to Jesus. They went to Jesus with questions and they went to Jesus for comfort. Fall into the arms of Jesus during this time and don’t let go. Remember the song Falling In love with Jesus, remember Kelly’s face as she worshipfully sang this song with you and continue Falling in Love with Jesus. Fall into the protection and safety of his Loving Arms and know that as you weep, so he weeps with you.

I love you all my friends…….May you find a peace that passes all understanding.

The other Kelly

June 15, 2010

It has been quite sometime since I have written here. It has been equally as long since I have been daily in the Word. I'm ashamed to say that as I picked up the Bible yesterday that sits by my place on the couch where I do my daily devotions; I literally had to wipe the dust off of it.

It has been a trying couple of months as my brothers mother in law got diagnosed with cancer, she needed the assurance that her mother would be cared for while she went to get her treatments. Within the same time frame my little brother got a job offer in Charleston SC and began preparations to move away. We have also been working toward transitioning David home, which is exciting and stressful all the same. None the less none of that is excuse and actually should have proven reason for daily meditation.

I'm sparred back this week following two lengthy facebook discussions/debates regarding our border Patrol. The discussion turned from politics to religion. One thing I discovered during the discourse was that realization that I have pretty much been an Ostrich when it comes to political matters. I bury my head in the sand and remain ignorant. I realized this week that I need to unbury my head and educate myself on the world in which I live. I can not respond with Christian values/principals without fully knowing the complete picture of what is going on in the world, or what has historically gone on in the world. So this week I beome also a student of history, civics, and current events.

So thus the journey begins of melding those studies with the studies of the Bible in hopes of continuing to discover Kingdom Values and Principals to live by.

I continue my reading of the Psalms and my reading of Isaiah. Nothing earthshattering has been revealed to me toay but Im sure those earthshattering moments of clarity will come.

A hodgepodge of realizations.

Today has brought with it a few realizations. I began my morning this morning as I waited for my turn in the bathroom (we've got to get back to two soon) beginning a reading of Isaiah. I skipped over Song of Solomon: as beautiful as it is, I just wasn't connecting with it at this time. So, I read my daily devotion from Grace for the Moment, went forward to my daily psalm and then began Isaiah. Isaiah was a prophet who wrote during the reign of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah over Judah (Isaiah 1:1) I read the first chapter and decided it would be a good thing to go back and read in Kings about the rein of those Kings. What I found is that Uzziah and Jotham did mostly what was right except they ignored the sex shrines and let them continue on, Ahaz decided to join in on the activities of the Sex shrines and Hezekiah tried to restore things back to being right. During all of this time Isaiah was bringing messages from God. First realization: I wish I had a prophet communicating direct messages from God to me personally on a daily basis. Boy life would be easier to navigate sometimes.

In Sunday School Sunday we went over results of a spiritual gifts inventory that we took on line. I was very ashamed to admit that prayer recieved a low ranking in my list. I was reminded of that today as I sat with a mound of work in front of me in the midst of a house that wasn't as clean as it should be and felt extremely overwhelmed and somewhat paralzyed. Suddenly I found myself on my knees confessing my overwhelmed feeling, confessing the areas that I had neglected that had contributed to the oversized tasks ahead of me and begging God to be in the yoke with me. I never quite understood what a yoke was until it was explained by someone to me about a year or more ago. It was explained to me that a yoke is what is put on Oxen when they are hooked to the plow to work the field. When a young Oxen is being trained for the task of plowing, the best, most experienced and mature Oxen is put in the yoke with the young Oxen and directs that OX on what to do. So when we are urged to take the Yoke of Christ upon us.....wow, that means we are letting God be attached to our every move and guide those moves. I also asked Him for a prophet by the way.

As I was trying to come up with a brief summary of how I was feeling for my facebook status I decided that life was like a game of golf, each hole representing a role that I play. Hole #1. Spritual life to include church activity. Hole #2. Best Friend, Housemate, confidant. Hole #3. Mother. Hole # 4. Relationship with my family of origin. Hole #5 Work. Hole# 6 Housekeeper......and on and on it goes. To shoot a par is to do what is expected for that hole. To Get a birdie is to excel. To get a Bogey or more is to fall short. Right now I feel like I am shooting a match of Bogeys or more....although my dear cousin has informed me I might have shot a birdie on the hole designated for cousins.....Thanks Jess. I feel like I am excelling at nothing. I feel like I am even falling short of the pars on most holes. So I'm left to wonder how to improve my game. I am hopeful that putting God in the Yoke with me will be the best strategy of the day. I wonder if I am playing too many holes. Perhaps my stamina is not quite built up to the number of holes I'm trying to play. Perhaps I need to perfect the front nine before I even think about going onto the back 9 much less moving forward to playing 36 in a day.
Perhaps I need a caddy. I just don't know. But, I know I must increase that score on Prayer and make that a priority if the game is ever to improve at all.

Heart Afire!

I've been reading a daily devotional book by Max Lucado called Grace for the Moment. I felt led to share today's with you:
"Jesus began to explain everything that had been written about himself in scriptures" Luke 24:7
Max writes:
When the disciples saw who he was, he disappeared. They said to each other, "it felt like a fire burning in us when Jesus talked to us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us" (Luke 24;31-32).
Don't you love that verse? They knew they had been with Jesus because of the fire within them. God reveals his will by setting a torch to your soul. He gave Jeremiah a fire for hard hearts. He gave Nehemiah a fire for a forgotten city. He set Abraham on fire for a land he'd never seen. He set Isaiah on fire with a vision he couldn't resist. Forty years of fruitless preaching didn't extinguish the fire of Noah.....
Mark it down: Jesus comes to set you on fire! He walks as a torch from heart to heart, warming the cold and thawing the chilled and stirring the ashes...He comes to purge infection and illuminate your direction.

From: "The Great Hour of God" by Max Lucado.
In definite companionship with those thoughts came the reading for today from Hope Lives. A talk of the Gifts God has given us, the Skills God has given us and the Heart God has given us.
What I think I can identify for myself are those things.....I shared with God those things this morning and a desire to know how he ultimately wants to use those things.
Please continue in prayer for me to recognize God's illumination of that direction.
So.....what sets your heart on fire.......

Resusciatation Needed

The title of this post was my facebook status today and I have worried my poor friend Nicole I'm including the explanation of my status here.

This weeks readings from the Hope Lives Study is focusing on prayer.

"Pray Continuously" I Thessalonians 5:17. A line in todays study reads: "Prayer is a relationship-a constant relationship, like breathing.

As I read that I was reminded of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine a while back. I was describing a period of time when I just wasn't praying and wasn't reading my bible. I was still going to church and living a decent life. But that daily, purposeful relationship just wasn't there. Her response was "Kelly, you've stopped breathing." Now, everytime I'm going through one of those times and we talk I say; "I've stopped breathing again." When it comes to prayer I am much like the Israelites who have to learn the lesson over and over and over again!

Oh, people call with prayer requests or send and email with a request and I breathe a prayer for them at that moment. I carry them in my heart, I try to respond in other ways. But setting aside that time for purposeful conversation with God where I'm both talking and listening comes and goes for me. I'm not sure why that is......I know that my faith is much stronger when my days include disciplines of prayer and bible reading. Yet, it comes and goes. I have been fairly consistent over the last three months about daily readings. I have whispered prayers here and there but I have realized that when it comes to that constant relationship kind of praying that I have once again stopped breathing. Thus comes the realization that resuscitation is needed! Breathe in me Oh God a new awakening to your presence in my life.....May we be in conversation with one another. May my heart and soul be opened to recieve the messages you have for me.

Stirrings in the depths of my soul

I have been absent from this blog for over a month now.....but God is certainly been at work in my heart in that month. I suppose it started when the reality of my dear friend Nicole leaving for Africa hit me. I don't remember the exact moment it hit me but I do remember the urgency I felt of wanting to see her, talk to her before she left, which did not happen and I remember the fear that gripped me when I realized she was already on the plane. In that fear I went to her blog and read of her anticipation as she prepared for the trip. Tears began to flow. They were not tears of fear or sadness but I was overwhelmed by pride for what she was doing. She was stepping out on faith way out of her comfort zone to do what God had loudly called her to do. I anxiously awaited news from Africa daily. Taking in every picture that was shared by her cohort, Leah, I just couldn't get them out of my mind. Oddly Nicole's last entry in her blog was "I have arrived......." From that point I just don't think she has the words to be able to express her experience. What I know for certain is that my mind is still there and as our pastor put in his blog about our Lenten experience "Hope Lives" My "cages are being rattled."

In the midst of these stirrings I recieved a phone call one night asking me to volunteer one night at the homeless shelter; to play hostess and do a devotion. I do not yet have the words to express that experience. I was humbled. I felt inadequate. Trying to discern what was best to share as a devotional that would have meaning to these folk whom I am very disconnected from was quite the challenge. One i'm not completely confident I met but even if I my human words touched not one soul, the experience of it all has stirred something in me I can't yet explain.

Then just like a neatly woven quilt being patched together another piece of the tapestry was put in place with the beginning of our Lenten study "Hope Lives." A study on the christian response to poverty.

I just read a song on Leah's blog written by Sarah Groves and there is a line that says something to the effect of "I just can't keep living like I was living" and that is exactly what I am feeling right now as I sit in the comfort of my 3 bedroom 1800 square foot home with 5 televisions and more television stations then I can count. I need not worry about what I will eat tomorrow. I will go where I need to go in the comfort of a large vehicle that takes more gas in a month than many people in the world see in a year. I'm busy planning my vacations while others in the world are contemplating where the next meal comes from. I worry about my son having at least a weeks worth of changes of clothes in his closet for each season and each style he enjoys while Esther worried about not being able to get into school because she didn't have one uniform.

I am stirred to the depths of my being and I know not yet what my full response will be. What I do know for certain is that "I just can't keep living like I was living."

Thank you Nicole and Leah for the inspiration you have been to me, Thank you Melanie for asking me to work the homeless shelter, thank you leaders of Longs Chapel for making "hope Lives" the focus of our Lenten study. Thank you God for these lights you have used to illuminate my heart.

January 31, 2010

Time has been too short to blog daily as I had planned but I have finished Proverbs, am 1/3 of the way through the Psalms and have begun Ecclesiasites and Romans. One thing certainly prevails in Proverbs and Ecclesiasites: Speak less, Listen more. A practice I must concentrate on.

Ecclesiasites has proven to be an interesting little gem. So far a prevailing theme is not to work so hard you can't enjoy what you labor for and that it is not your responsibility to save for your heirs. You should enjoy what you have been blessed and teach your heirs to make thier own way. Very interesting to say the least especially in light of the challenges my family are currently facing....So, Pa, buy all the movies you want, give away what you want to give away and if you go out penniless, so be it!

Today, in the Max Lucado devotional I am again reminded that God can and will overcome the obstacles to what He has called me to do and be. I am reminded that many whom he called have faced massive obstacles. That seems to be the point. We are not supposed to be able to answer the task on our own for we need to be able to give God all the credit. So, I continue to wait....which is what Romans told me to do today.....just wait; it is all in God's time.

January 13, 2010

I finished up Hebrews last night. May my eyes be fixed on Jesus and may I always remember those who paved the path for me just as the writer of Hebrews remembered the forefathers. It is in remembering all that God worked out in our forefathers and remembering what God has already done in our own lives that we can be confident and fix our eyes on the one that can lead us into a perfect kingdom of peace and unity.

Psalm 20 is a prayer I pray for those near and dear to me today.

I also started Romans today.

January 11, 2010

Well I've read so much since my last post it's going to be difficult to sum it up. I've added a devotional reading to my day out of Moments of Grace by Max Lucado. One of the devotions spurred me to start reading Hebrews and it's as if I'm reading it for the first time. You know that moment when it clicks and suddenly you see it all with very new eyes. What Jesus did for me was just that....unspeakable, unexplainable GRACE! I am so thankful and so very undeserving. As I continue reading David's laments regarding his enemies, I am becoming ever more so aware that I don't have to look beyond the mirror to find who my enemy is as it seems I am my own worst enemy. As Chiche' as that sounds, it rings true. My energy level is low, I seem powerless over my addictions to cigarettes and sugar. I spend more time than I ever should on meaningless activity on Facebook. I never exercise and I seem to just allow myself to be paralyzed by a force that I can not identify. So how do I cry out to God to slash my enemy when it is I who would be slashed? I have the want to but somehow I lack the will. I know where to seek to find it, I am not always sure that I know exactly how to do that though.



I feel called to pay closer attention to my dreams as the psalmist also points out that God works in my heart and tests me even in the night. I may find wisdom, that all important thing that the Psalmist and King Solomon speak so much about, even in my sleep. Proverbs continues to exalt the search for wisdom and knowledge and continues to warn about the folly of the fool. The fool being the one who is without God. Proverbs also continues to praise the one who is able to tame the tounge, to refrain from Gossip, to leave a quarrel before it starts, to control anger and not let it lead to violence. He continues to uphold integrity and a search for justice. May I too, seek with those kind of eyes.



In Hebrews today I re-read something I have at some point taken note of and that is:

1. Draw Near to God with a sincere heart.


2. Hold on UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess.


3. Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

The third reminds us of the importance of corporate worship and study and Christian fellowship. How thankful I am to have found that in the Friendship Class and Longs Chapel.

The writer of Hebrews in this 10th chapter then calls us to remember the early yearnings of our faith and the confidence we had in those moments and to reclaim that confidence and that passion.

Then there is yesterday's Sermon. I had the opportunity to visit the church where my former pastor, Rob Fuquay, went. As always Rob had a sermon tailor made just for me. I'm sure, however, that everyone in that place felt the same as Rob has that gift of crafting a sermon that can universally touch the hearts of all the hearers in such a way that each one believes it was crafted just for them. The reminder is that we sometimes must go is low as needing to be "fed by ravens" in order to remember our dependence on God. The scary part of the whole story was that sometimes to find God's will we must "leave". My immediate fear was "oh good Lord, do I need to leave Longs Chapel to be able to answer the call God has on my life. I mean really, the obstacle is there, am I supposed to remove myself and start over somewhere new to petition for my ministerial liscense. I know I am not supposed to leave my family, I mean, my family is certainly God given to me and that just makes no sense. Then there was the "out." It may be things or activities you are supposed to leave. Well there are plenty of things that can apply there: smoking, refined sugar, facebook, just to name the top 3! So I'm left pondering more......pondering in the Word.

January 1, 2010

I believe I'm ready to put 2009 behind us. It ended with so much news of death and illness. All while I continue to read the Psalms and all about God's presence with us and protection over us during times of battle and attack. I have some goals for the New Year. #1 on the list is to bring my son home. He needs to be here. We need to be a family. Even through the struggles this week, life has felt more normal, more right. So, I seek God's direction, I seek the wisdom and knowledge that Proverbs talks about. I want to rise in the morning and fall asleep at night in search of God's direction. Here is to 2010!