Stirrings in the depths of my soul

I have been absent from this blog for over a month now.....but God is certainly been at work in my heart in that month. I suppose it started when the reality of my dear friend Nicole leaving for Africa hit me. I don't remember the exact moment it hit me but I do remember the urgency I felt of wanting to see her, talk to her before she left, which did not happen and I remember the fear that gripped me when I realized she was already on the plane. In that fear I went to her blog and read of her anticipation as she prepared for the trip. Tears began to flow. They were not tears of fear or sadness but I was overwhelmed by pride for what she was doing. She was stepping out on faith way out of her comfort zone to do what God had loudly called her to do. I anxiously awaited news from Africa daily. Taking in every picture that was shared by her cohort, Leah, I just couldn't get them out of my mind. Oddly Nicole's last entry in her blog was "I have arrived......." From that point I just don't think she has the words to be able to express her experience. What I know for certain is that my mind is still there and as our pastor put in his blog about our Lenten experience "Hope Lives" My "cages are being rattled."

In the midst of these stirrings I recieved a phone call one night asking me to volunteer one night at the homeless shelter; to play hostess and do a devotion. I do not yet have the words to express that experience. I was humbled. I felt inadequate. Trying to discern what was best to share as a devotional that would have meaning to these folk whom I am very disconnected from was quite the challenge. One i'm not completely confident I met but even if I my human words touched not one soul, the experience of it all has stirred something in me I can't yet explain.

Then just like a neatly woven quilt being patched together another piece of the tapestry was put in place with the beginning of our Lenten study "Hope Lives." A study on the christian response to poverty.

I just read a song on Leah's blog written by Sarah Groves and there is a line that says something to the effect of "I just can't keep living like I was living" and that is exactly what I am feeling right now as I sit in the comfort of my 3 bedroom 1800 square foot home with 5 televisions and more television stations then I can count. I need not worry about what I will eat tomorrow. I will go where I need to go in the comfort of a large vehicle that takes more gas in a month than many people in the world see in a year. I'm busy planning my vacations while others in the world are contemplating where the next meal comes from. I worry about my son having at least a weeks worth of changes of clothes in his closet for each season and each style he enjoys while Esther worried about not being able to get into school because she didn't have one uniform.

I am stirred to the depths of my being and I know not yet what my full response will be. What I do know for certain is that "I just can't keep living like I was living."

Thank you Nicole and Leah for the inspiration you have been to me, Thank you Melanie for asking me to work the homeless shelter, thank you leaders of Longs Chapel for making "hope Lives" the focus of our Lenten study. Thank you God for these lights you have used to illuminate my heart.